About Me

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A first time mum at 39, trying not to let my son kill me off too soon. Busy juggling a new family, a new house and a tricky recording schedule I figured blogging would be less expensive than therapy and less embarrassing than shouting at rude and stupid people in the street/on trains/at the supermarket.

Friday, 23 December 2011

Bah humbug to ITV!

Let's not beat around the bush here.  I love Tim Minchin.  He's clever, witty, musical and can make ginger hair and eye liner look quite cool (something I strived for in the 90's but not entirely sure I ever achieved....)

Jonathan Ross also loves Tim Minchin hence he invited him to his Christmas show.  Jonathan Ross' bosses did not like Tim Minchin.  I think he explains it best here.....

Personally I think it's a genius song but you make up your own mind.

Thursday, 22 December 2011

Very bad day.....

Yesterday the people buying our flat pulled out of the deal.  The day before we were due to exchange contracts. Merry flippin' Christmas.
As you can imagine, I'm not happy.

Only 5 days ago I was at the house we're buying measuring up for curtain poles, new kitchen appliances and nursery furniture.  Let's face it, at this point would you expect it all to fall flat on it's backside!?  We were looking forward to spending an obscene amount of cash in the January sales but alas, we're back to square one.

I will be honest, I spent most of yesterday afternoon in tears.  Perhaps there was a touch of petulant child in the there with the whole 'why me?' mentality but at the same time I think it was a little justified.  I'm under no illusion that these guys have been stalling for about a week and the fact they didn't even tell the estate agent that they were withdrawing is a little galling.  To find out via my solicitor who received a letter posted a few days previously was not very nice at all.

I'm swinging between cross and upset.  I'm almost 5 months pregnant, having an awful time at work and was looking forward to getting out of a tiny flat.  I know I should be grateful that I have my own flat but it's getting terribly cramped after 9 years of collecting junk  - not to mention a husband who brought his own stack of junk.  Trying to fit everything in without the pending small person is a nightmare so when we have to try to put in more furniture to house the small person it could just tip us over the edge. 
So the choice it, get back on the horse and try to resell again and hope we manage it in time to get our house back or sit tight and live in a flat I'm beginning to really dislike and be as cramped as hell.  What a nightmare!

It makes me so cross that our system of house purchasing is so namby-pamby.  Short of there being a very good legal reason not to purchase, I find it amazing that it is perfectly acceptable to just change your mind at any time without any recourse.  It's simply not on.

Apparently they may be in a position to change their mind in January  - well BULLY FOR THEM!  I hope they have a lovely relaxed Christmas with no worries whilst I'm crying into my turkey gravy with not even the possibility of drinking myself into oblivion.  Thanks so much.

Friday, 16 December 2011


I've just discovered that this blog does get read occasionally.  How bizarre.  I realise that probably was partially the point when I first started it and I know of a couple of girlfriends that do 'tune in' from time to time but I didn't know that this particular person logged on too.  


So now I have to make sure I triple check my spelling and grammar as he's bound to comment on it at some point.  

He's probably bored.  That's what happens when you move house and have a broken ankle.  He likes to fancy himself as a bit of an athlete.  Well sweetie, the only injuries I've ever known you to sustain have been whilst doing something energetic (and I don't mean a strained muscle from stretching to reach the remote control) so this can only strengthen my argument that not all exercise is good for you.

Still, thanks for tuning in.  I'll endeavour to keep you entertained, it just won't be in quite the same way as it was when we were students...I simply can't hold my drink to that extent anymore.

Tuesday, 6 December 2011

I dispair....

A friend of mine directed me to this website today.  It almost makes me want to cry....
For those who can't follow the link it is entitled:

12 extremely disappointing facts about popular music

1. Creed have sold more records in the US than Jimi Hendrix
Okay so i don't know who Creed are but after a little research I discovered that they have been 'active' and touring and releasing records from 1995 til 2004 and then started again in 2009.  Seeing as Hendrix was discovered in 1967 and died in 1970 he hasn't really had time on his side. 
Still quite surprising though.

2. Led Zeppelin, REM, and Depeche Mode have never had a number one single, Rihanna has 10
Yes, but in recent years you may only need to sell between 18,000 - 23,000 copies to hit number 1.  Before 2003, the average number 1 sales were over 130,000!!  C'mon, I don't really need to say any more do I.

3. Ke$ha's “Tik-Tok” sold more copies than ANY Beatles single

This blows my previous argument out of the water and I don't know what to say. Especially as I have no idea who Ke$ha is and I've never heard  that song.  God I'm old.

4. Flo Rida's “Low” has sold 8 million copies – the same as The Beatles' “Hey Jude”

see no.4  I have heard of her but i have no idea about the song.  In defence [m'lud], The Beatles didn't have the luxury of the internet and digital downloads to help their total. 

5. The Black Eyed Peas' “I Gotta Feeling” is more popular than any Elvis or Simon & Garfunkel song

See no.4.  Elvis and Simon & Garfunkel didn't have t'internet.  And please define 'popular'.
That saying, this is a very sad fact.  Haven't these people seen the video of Black Eyed Peas embarrassing performance on The X-Factor last year!?

6. Celine Dion's “Falling Into You” sold more copies than any Queen, Nirvana, or Bruce Springsteen record

Kill me now.  But then I guess your nan will buy Celine Dion and not Nirvana.  There is no accounting for taste.

7. Same with Shania Twain's “Come On Over”

see no.6

8.Katy Perry holds the same record as Michael Jackson for most number one singles from one album
Shows they were both lazy and couldn't be bothered to write new stuff! [ok, so I'm only half joking...]

9.Barbra Streisand has sold more records (140 milllion) than Pearl Jam, Johnny Cash and Tom Petty combined.
and this surprises you because.....?
MOR will always sell more.  Sad but true.   And I'd rather it was her than Celine Dion. 

10. People actually bought Billy Ray Cyrus' album “Some Gave All…” 20 million people. More than any Bob Marley album

yep, but no one will actually admit to owning the BRC album and lots of people will tell you that they do own a Bob Marley one when in reality they downloaded 'I shot the Sheriff' for a party once.

11. The Cast of 'Glee' has had more songs chart than the Beatles.
Yes, but how many of them did they write?  And charting doesn't mean they were hits.  And I refer back to point 2.  I reckon if I had a go I could make a song chart. 

12. Justin Bieber exists.
we all live in hope though. 

Monday, 5 December 2011


I just stumbled across a blog entitled 'Random Hot Guys'... honestly I wasn't looking for it, I was being curious and just hit 'next blog' at the top of my own to see what else was going on in the world.  And there was 'Random Hot Guys'.

All I can say is that it was definitely random but there didn't appear to be a plethora of hot guys.

I guess I just have very different criteria to your average American gay guy....

Friday, 2 December 2011

We're all in it together

I've had some real conscience wrestling these last few days assisted by a lot of tongue biting.

Wednesday brought a massive Public Sector workers strike and I have real mixed feelings about this (including a lot of anger) particularly as i have a lot of friends who are teachers and civil servants.  For those of you have been living in your shed without a TV for the last year, the country (and most of the world) is in pretty deep doo-doo financially and some pretty drastic cuts have got to be made to stop us from turning into a crap version of Greece * .  Consequently the government have introduced some pretty unpopular cuts to services and changes in policy to try to reduce the deficit.
* At least Greece has good weather and beaches for when you're really depressed.

The most recent one has been a change in pensions for all Public Sector workers. Now the big point that everyone seems to be missing is that Public Sector Pensions (and the State Pension come to that) should have been reformed years ago to take into account the fact that people simply live longer than they used to.   In 1926 when State Pensions were introduced the average life expectancy was 76 for men and 78 for women, in 2008 those figures were closer to 86 and 89 respectively.  So there is an extra 10 years of pension cash to be found per person in the UK and yet until recently there had been almost no real move to increase the age at which these pensioners could start receiving their cash.

Anyone who can do simple adding and subtraction knows that this kind of commitment cannot be sustained indefinitely.  Unfortunately the world financial crisis has elevated the pension timebomb profile and the government have no option but to address it and try to sort something out.  They have already brought in plans to raise retirement age for the State Pension and now they are making changes to the Public Sector and it's not going down well.

I agree that the measures seem unfair and it would be a pretty poor argument if all I did was bleat on about the private sector being stamped on for years with dismal payrises, long hours and diminishing pensions to show for it, so I won't.  Instead, let's think about a few other points.

1)  No public sector worker will lose any money they have already invested in their pensions.
2)  Public sector pensions will be 'defined benefit' ie: linked to pay and not on the amount saved or invested.  So why is that bad?
3)  Private sector workers must be responsible for the investment into their pensions, so why should they also be predominantly responsible for the investment into public sector workers pensions too?

Forgive me for being cynical but, generally, Governments tend to focus on keeping themselves in power for as long as possible and traditionally they like to make themselves pretty popular.   So why are the Tories seemingly making themselves as unpopular as rabid dog at a teddy bears picnic?  Could it be because they've explored all the popular options and realised they don't work?  Could it be that there really are very few alternatives left (if any) and so drastic times call for drastic measures?

Even Husb who would sooner cut off his hands than be accused of being a Tory is shouting at the telly when some of the half-wits that the media choose to interview at times like this bang on about everything being 'not fair' and 'I'm entitled!' etc etc ad boredinium....[yes I did just make that word up]. 

The simple facts remain that we are not in a good place and we're all in it together so whilst you teachers are worried about your diminishing pension, so are we; you guys are worrying about future redundancies and job security and so are we.  Times are rubbish but if we all start taking some responsibility then maybe we can get through it.  Our parents and grandparents didn't exactly have it easy but they managed.  They survived wars, rationing, general strikes and some positively dreadful fashion statements.  They had to work out how to stretch a ridiculously small amount of food just that bit further and mend clothes rather than buy news ones yet most of us mainly have to make sure we don't overstretch our finances just in case something hits us – so, no new flat screen TVs, no amazing foreign holidays, making sure the kids have new shoes rather than £100 fashion trainers.  You get the idea. I know I could easily knock a good £10 off my weekly food shop without trying too hard.   And yes, I am aware that I am one of the relatively lucky ones and there are a lot of others who have to cut it down a lot more than that and have a lot less income to start with.

Incidentally, if anyone has any ideas that the Tories haven't thought of yet then please do share them.  The only ones I can think of would probably be even more unpopular...
 - Income tax rises
- VAT rises
- Council tax rises
- Fuel duty rises?

And before someone tries to bang on about Bankers and the mega rich and so on, yes ladies and gents, there will also be the 'haves' and the 'have-nots'.  It's the way of the world and always has been.  Some will have inherited, some will have got lucky on the lottery, some will have got theirs from their golden boots or golden tonsils and some will just be thieving greedy bastards.  It's not always necessarily fair , but in a lot of  cases the 'haves' have built up their fortunes through hard work and sacrifice.  Do you begrudge them their money too?   You know as well as I do that if it were you (or me) who had the millions stashed away then you would enjoy it as much as those guys do.

We can't base all our decisions on what someone else does or someone else has.  At some point in all our lives we have to just take some responsibility for ourselves and look out for those who can't look out for themselves.   I don't have all the answers and if I did, would I want the Prime Minister's job?  Would I heck.

Ooooer madam.

I know that it's quite common to have vivid dreams when pregnant but I didn't know they would be quite like this...

I woke up in the night after having a very real and convincing dream in which I was ....erm... having 'intimate' relations with a very old friend whom I haven't actually seen in about 10 years.  He was quite good looking then and is still pretty hot now - even though he is 40 (huh, like I'm some spring chicken).

All very bizarre as even in the dream I was pregnant but didn't appear to have a Husb and friend didn't mind at all that I was 'with child'.  In fact I think he kinda liked it.  It was so real it scares me.  I woke up in quite a fluster - I had clearly enjoyed the experience, but then I got 'The Fear' about Husb rumbling my infidelity!  It took a couple of seconds to remember that I hadn't actually done anything, it was all my sub-conscious.  Ooops.  I'm still trying to decide whether up to fess-up to my friend (we still chat on Facebook).  He'd probably find it funny but I'd be mortified if he didn't.

Thursday, 24 November 2011

Lucky me

Hmmmmm, that sounds sarcastic doesn't it?  That wasn't the intention (for a change).  I had my second midwife appointment today and ... [drum roll please].... it was WITH THE SAME ONE AS BEFORE! 

It probably sounds odd to be so excited about that, but in the history of me talking to my friends, I don't know anyone who has had the same midwife twice.  Seemingly I will have the same one next time too - she booked me in today in her little diary.

And to top it all off, the appointments are in a rather pleasant children's centre about 2 miles from my flat and exactly halfway between this flat and the (fingers crossed) new house we hope to move to in January.  So I really am not being sarcastic when I say 'lucky me'.

It's all quite real now.  2 midwife appointments, a consultant appointment, 2 scans.... I guess it really does mean I am having a baby... GULP!
Bump is just starting to show.  According to Husb, it doesn't look like podge anymore , it's actually starting to stick out and it's firmer now.  Double gulp.

What is very nice is that fact I haven't actually put on any weight in the last 4 or 5 weeks.  That really does deserve a 'lucky me' as I managed to put on around 10lbs in the first 12 weeks - aaarrrrggghhhhh!  I think this was mainly due to me requiring solid carbs and mainly mashed potato for almost every meal.  YUM!  But not so yum on my waistline.  It was slightly worrying that every report I read said that my baby weighed around an ounce and I had put on almost a stone.  I was convinced that I would double my weight by May.
Okay, so I can't categorically rule that out, but the signs are better now.  At least now we won't be doing the weekly commute to Yorkshire then I should be able to get some exercise in now too.  Pregnancy yoga all booked for Saturday.  Quite exciting really.  I might be defeating the object though by arranging to have lunch with a friend straight afterwards though.... Oooops!

Wednesday, 23 November 2011

I'm going to be a terrible mother and I'm going to hell

It's been a while since I last blogged and with good reason.  My beautiful and wonderful mother in law became ill during October and unfortunately she passed away on the 4th November.  

It was desperately sad and my heart still breaks when I remember how she looked in the hospital during her final hours and also how much it still affects my poor husband.  The reason I'm going straight to hell is how my feelings are towards my widowed father in law.

I feel terrible for him as he has lost his wife of almost 50 years but - to cut a long story short - I cannot take any more of the selfishness, little-boy-lost, ungrateful, ignorant, and full of crap behaviour.   I won't go into full details but Husb and I are now completely broke after discovering that his father had no provision of a funeral and on top of that had not a penny to his name.  No matter what we do, there is always 'just one more thing' that he needs  - either to buy or for us to do.

For a man of God he refuses to take any of his own advice and just likes to tell everyone how he will cope and how self sufficient he is, but in reality refuses to stay at home  - ever  - and hasn't cooked (or bought) a meal since his wife has been in hospital.

Now he is sitting in our little flat coughing and sneezing (he has a cold and for that I am sorry but it would be nice if he could cover his mouth occasionally seeing as I am 4 months pregnant with his 1st grandchild), breaking wind in a very loud and smelly fashion and not once even acknowledging what he is doing, has asked me and my husb to cut his toenails (as he can't reach - due to excessive weight that he has refused to try to lose for over 10 years) and generally behaves like a toddler continually asking the same questions - usually inane, pointless ones.  The only difference is that a toddler actually listens and remembers after a while rather than having to repeat answers to the same questions that have been in play for several weeks.

If you can imagine an exasperated parent who is having to block out the constant cry of 'Muuuuuuuuum, muuuuuuuuuuuum, mum, mum, mum, MMMMUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM!' then you might have an idea of what Husb and I have been contending with for the last few weeks.  Pretty sure that Husb wants to change his name.

Toddlers often forget that you saw things that they saw too.  Again, this is my FIL.  We have relived MIL's passing around 50 times and each time it changes slightly - like a game of Chinese Whispers - even though we were there too and know exactly what happened.  Similarly we have had the funeral recounted to us a dozen times since Monday (including during a 5 hour drive back to London on Tuesday).

I don't expect someone who loses their partner of 50 years to just 'bounce back' and be 'normal' straight away but I do expect them to take some responsibility for themselves.  He is a strong, relatively healthy 70 year old with so many friends and a massive church family who are all going out of their way to look after him but he insists on talking the talk but not walking the walk.  If only the BS would disappear then maybe I would have a little more sympathy.  He doesn't appreciate how lucky he is and that so many people have to contend with such tragedies all alone.  He just keeps on taking and showing very little gratitude.

So there you go.  I clearly do not have the tolerance to be a parent.  I am clearly going straight to hell.  What can i say, at least it's warm and my husband will be there with me.

Wednesday, 19 October 2011

Who are you and what have you done with my wife?

Those words were uttered by Husb on Sunday evening when I sat on the sofa close to tears and declared
"I'm so BORED of eating!".

Anyone who knows me that I do not get bored of eating.  Ever.

The problem is, I got smug.  I got too smug regarding the lack of nausea and sickness during my pregnancy so far.  You may have gathered from previous posts that it did start but it wasn't so bad.  I'll be honest, (and forgive me for too much information) but I haven't actually been sick, I just feel it.  A lot.
Basically, I have deduced that if I don't eat approximately every three hours, then I feel so awful that I think I might die.

On Sunday we had a ridiculously enormous dinner with my family to celebrate 3 birthdays.  I knew when we got home around 7pm that I would not need to eat until breakfast.  That is, until it got to around 9.30pm and the nausea kicked in again.  I could not get off the sofa to even go to bed without having to clamp a hand over my mouth just in case.  It was at this point I made my declaration.

The same thing happened yesterday lunchtime.  I knew I was sailing close to my 3 hour deadline but decided to risk going out to get a sandwich in M&S.  Big Mistake.  I had to dash out, again with hand clamped over my mouth and back into the office. (it's fine to throw up in the office but not in Kensington M&S.  It's just not done.)

Whilst my colleagues have seemingly not noticed my burgeoning, ever-expanding chest, they must have noticed that I'm eating constantly at my desk.  They must have noticed the 7lbs that have already clung to my tummy and bum.  For someone who is always on a diet, it must look odd.

I cannot wait til next week when, hopefully, I can come clean.  Scan on Saturday.  Fingers crossed....

Monday, 3 October 2011

Have some respect.

TOWIE'S LAUREN 'I've aborted Mark's baby'

Lovely.  I'm sure we all feel much better knowing that. 

That headline greeted me at the cashdesk in Boots and it actually made me feel a little sick.  Don't misunderstand me, I'm not one of those militant pro-lifers who go around torching abortion clinics, I'm very much pro-choice.  I don't believe there should be legislation to decide whether a woman should have a baby or not - it is a personal choice and, on the whole, one that most women will make after a great deal of thought.

If I had been in a position where I had to make that decision (for whatever reason), I'm not sure that I would want to publicise it to the whole world and it's certainly not one that I would have wanted emblazoned in such a sensational way on the front of popular glossy.  I'm sure I'm not alone.

I've never watched The Only Way is Essex.  I have no idea who Lauren and Mark are, if they are still together or if they wish to scratch each other's eyes out.  I do know that after seeing this, I have no desire to start watching.  I also don't know if the article is a sensitive, sorry tale or actually rather vulgar and full of hate towards Mark - from the headline next to a smiling photo of someone I presume is Lauren, I would think it was the latter. It doesn't make me want to buy the magazine, it makes me think rather badly of the editorial team.

I have no ill-feelings towards Lauren for terminating her pregnancy, but I have nothing but disgust and disdain towards her for choosing to profit from it in this manner. 

Have some respect for yourself woman.  If you don't, then please don't expect anyone else to.

Wednesday, 28 September 2011

the same...but different.

When i got married I did all the usual things of joining wedding sites and forums where I quickly discovered that most bride-to-bes are completely mental.

Seriously, proper, MENTAL.   I'm amazed that most weddings even take place as if I planned to marry someone as barking as these women I would soon get cold feet and do a runner.

Undeterred, I have joined Babycentre to find out all about 'my little bundle of joy' (yep, you have to call your growing baby something pretty vomit-inducing, as if the usual nausea wasn't enough....!).  The informative stuff is brilliant.  The experts tell you enough to let you know what to expect and how to deal with everything but without scaremongering.  We all know that being pregnant doesn't always end with a beautiful baby (or even a pretty ugly one) unfortunately and one should be prepared for that.  Reality sucks but it is a fact of life.

Babycentre, naturally, has the usual forums and community boards.  It seems that all the afore-mentioned women from the wedding sites are back and this time they have surging hormones.  And husbands who are total arseholes.  So, now I'm confused.  How do this many mental women get husbands and then try to reproduce even though their husbands have morphed into neanderthals?

Not my problem. 

I may just have to stick to the 'informative and factual' part of Babycentre and leave the loonies to their own chatter.  Life really is too short for all that.

Monday, 26 September 2011

Common Sense

I am constantly astounded by our friends and acquaintances.   From the minute we got married, we were asked almost weekly if I was 'pregnant yet'.  At that point we hadn't expressed any desire to get down to business with that anyway so why should it be assumed that marriage = babies?

I actually spent around 4 months drinking fairly heavily just to prove that i wasn't pregnant!  I wouldn't mind, but I'm not generally a big drinker and often drive to events but i just couldn't take the questions anymore.

Some of our closer friends knew when we had started trying and knew that we weren't having much luck and were sympathetic to our plight but without making it a big deal or common knowledge.

However in the last few weeks we have sold our flat and are in the process of buying a new house.  When we made this decision I was not pregnant, we just wanted to move anyway into something bigger.  During that process we discovered that I was pregnant and we were pretty chuffed  with our timing - hoping that we can be all finished and moved well before i get too enormous.

But apparently we can't just be moving house.  We must be moving house for a reason.   People at work keep telling me the new place is big enough for babies, our friends are actually coming outright and asking if there is something I want to share with them? (erm, no.  If i did then I would volunteer the information without the need for you to ask).
Even one of our neighbours asked Hubby on Saturday if I was 'expecting'.  I think we may need to speak more quietly when the windows are open in the flat....

Went to a birthday party on Saturday night and told nobody that i wasn't drinking (Hubby kept putting 'vodka' lime and sodas in front of me  - minus the vodka) nor that I was driving, yet still 3 people hinted at 'my condition' and one of Hubby's friends took him to one side and came right out and asked him.  At that point (ie: several pints into the evening) he couldn't even deny it and just swore him to secrecy.

Some may think that it's lovely our friends are so interested and happy for us etc, but I can't help feeling that some people are being terribly insensitive and downright rude.  Most of these people already have children and know how uncertain the first 12 weeks are.

I'm 38 years old  - hardly in the first flush of youth - so any risks of the first trimester are more than doubled for an old bird like me.  It will be bad enough if we get to the 12 week scan to be told bad news without having to then share and explain it to half of South East London.

I successfully managed to guess  2 friends' pregnancies in the last year but I said nothing to them (or to anyone else except my Hubby) until they called me to give me the news  - strangely enough - after their 12 week scan....And funnily enough, they are the two people  who haven't asked any questions at all and have kept quiet, even though I know they are suspicious.

Is it too much to ask for a little tact and sensitivity over these things?

Monday, 19 September 2011


God I'm tired.

I've decided that early pregnancy is designed to give you an insight into  what your life will be like once the sprog has appeared - erratic sleep patterns and constantly feeling like you need just one more nap....

I can barely keep my eyes open once I get past 2pm and then wake up again around 8.  This is not good.  The waking up at 5am is not exactly my idea of fun either.

Who's stupid idea was it to have a full-time job, try to move house and get pregnant....?! Oh yeh, mine. Whoops.

Tuesday, 13 September 2011


God this is hard!

I thought it would be quite easy to keep my news to myself and not be rumbled but it's getting more difficult rather than easier.  We have so many 'engagements' in the next week or so and there are so many times that our friends will believe that I just wanted to drive  (I know it's hard to believe but I do drive quite a lot so that's not so far fetched but I have a feeling that me driving to the 40th birthday party next week that is only a 10 minute bus ride from our house might be pushing the realms of credibility).

Some friends know that we had been having difficulty conceiving and to those people I can still use the whole ' trying to lay off the booze to increase our chances' ruse but to the rest, I'm almost out of excuses.  I haven't used the antibiotics one yet, but I'm saving that for a bit.  You never know when you need something like that up your sleeve.

It's getting trickier too as I'm starting to get 'symptoms'  - I say that in a tongue-in-cheek way as obviously being pregnant is not an illness. 
I've been so smug as I've not been feeling sick or tired or anything (although I have had a worrying cramping down one side that now seems to have gone away - thank goodness), until yesterday.
I sat at my desk at work at 3pm and could not keep my eyes open.  I had to fake illness to go home where I lay on the sofa and slept til Hubby came home at 7pm.  I just about managed to make dinner while he went to the supermarket (believe me, i could not be trusted in a car last night) and then dozed all evening...until he decided to snack on rice cakes... who knew those things SMELL SO BAD!!!  I usually love rice cakes but oh god...i could smell them as he opened the packet in the kitchen.  Gross.  Clearly my heightened sense of smell has now kicked in too.

Then I had to fight back  the nausea that the toothpaste induced this morning.  Brilliant, now personal hygiene is being affected!

Tonight we're going to a friends for dinner and she's making Indian ...

Wish me luck - I've got another 6 weeks of this!

Wednesday, 7 September 2011


Given my condition (haha), 'they say' that I should be avoiding stress and learning to chill out a bit more.  Not easy seeing as I am a ball of worry - I worry about not having anything to worry about, I'm that bad.

I don't think I'm doing well so far:
1) best friend emigrated to Canadia* on Saturday.  Cue dinner for two on Thursday with me having to tell her about my 'situation' to avoid her getting her getting het up about me not drinking.  This culminated in the pair of us in floods of tears on the sofa at 1am with hubby trying to be supportive, yet invisible.  Also resulting in her feeling even more guilty about leaving me when I needed her most.
2) we put the flat on the market on Saturday.  And we've agreed to pay the estate agent more money than I could ever imagine feasible.
3) there is talk of redundancy at work - we're being sold YET AGAIN and who knows what the new mummy and daddy will do with us.
4) Husb and I worked out the finances with a bigger mortgage and me on maternity pay.  It works - just.  So long as we don't want any of those little luxuries - you know, like food and heating.
5) Dad got told he's being made redundant today.  He, however, is doing backflips and can't bloomin' wait.  Lucky sod.

I will definitely be putting the lottery subscription in as 'essential' costs in our budget....

* If the inhabitants of Canada are called Canadians then the country should be called Canadia

Friday, 2 September 2011

It's semi-official

It was quite clear.  And it said, most definitely, 'Pregnant'  '1 - 2 weeks'.  I think it might have been telling the truth too as I definitely don't seem to be getting the usual confirmation that I'm not pregnant.

Let's think about this; we've been trying for 10 months and think there may have been 2 instances when we've been successful but, alas, my body didn't seem to think it was a good idea at the time.  I could be wrong - nothing has ever been confirmed and it would have been far too early for a doctor to tell I reckon.

In that time, I've stopped smoking, been sparing with the booze, taken my folic acid/vitamins, tried to keep fit and eat relatively healthily. 
Over the last 4 weeks, I've had a cigarette (shhhhh, don't tell hubby), had at least 4 big nights when I've drunk a significant amount, dangled off ladders inhaling far too many paint fumes than is healthy, dyed my own hair over the bath inhaling lord knows what chemicals and indulged in some pretty intense gym sessions. One of the 'significant amount of alcohol' days was the day before doing the first pregnancy test.  Ooops.  Think i might have eaten a substantial amount of brie that day too.  Double ooops.

Naturally , my doctor's surgery is overbooked and i can't get an appointment until next Thursday so it's not been officially confirmed yet.  Don't know if that's good or bad really.  I'm trying not to get too excited, it's early days and I don't want to tempt fate - I've known far too many people who have been disappointed and upset at an early stage.  God that sounds maudlin doesn't it.  At what point does cautious become pessimistic?

That aside, I have so many drinking opportunities booked in the diary this month that I will have to become extremely adept at lying through my teeth to people.  I think I may be more successful at this than Hubby who is already trying to concoct convoluted stories as to why I might be driving/not drinking. Oh dear.  He really has to learn that the best lies are the simple ones.  At least I should be safe in the knowledge that I'll always know when he's fibbing his arse off to me. 

Sunday, 28 August 2011

Erm, how did that happen?

So I think I might be pregnant.

I'm not going to get my hopes up but I'm due on tomorrow and according to the Clearblue test, it looks like that won't be happening.  Although, Hubby and I have looked very closely at the test - the cross is very faint, but I guess you can't be 'a little bit pregnant'... Whenever I've done these tests before the horizontal line telling you that you're not pregnant has always been very strong and this test was pretty vague.

So I did what most normal people do and went and bought a twin pack of tests that give you a digital result.  I can't be arsed with the ambiguity of deciphering a bloody picture.  I just want it to say 'pregnant' or 'not pregnant'. 


Thursday, 25 August 2011

This week's ponderings...

1) Why do I leave a pub or a restaurant and feel absolutely fine but by the time i get home, I'm completely smashed?  I don't remember secretly drinking more on the journey.

2) Why did I think i was fat for my whole life (rather than just now, when I actually am....)?  On Sunday I was given a photo of myself in a bikini top and shorts taken about 13 years ago and i was HOT!  I do not recall ever being that skinny but the evidence suggests that i was.  Why did nobody tell me?  Or maybe they did and I just didn't listen...

2a) I wonder why, though, the same people tell me I'm not fat now and I never look any different when, in fact, 2.5 stone does show rather a lot and clearly I don't look exactly the same.  Photographic evidence proves this.

3) You're getting the lift to the first floor - SERIOUSLY!?  20 stairs too much for you? Yes I did just look at you like you're an idiot because you are.  And a lazy one at that.

4) I am gobsmacked how people think it's okay to get on an overheating tube carriage, stand right by the big  open window and then close it because it's too draughty for them.  You chose to stand there and the window was already open because the rest of the carriage is melting.  Have a word with yourself.

4a) Please note South Eastern Trains - just because it's raining, it doesn't mean the temperature has dropped by 15 degrees....  we DO NOT need the heating on in August.  Anyone who feels the cold in August has already put a coat on.

5) Life is cruel and unfair and sometimes it does really horrid things to undeserving people for no apparent reason.  You know who you are honey, and we're thinking of you.

5a) Sometimes people are cruel and unfair and for some reason choose only to hurt the people closest to them.   Then others join in and make the victim feel like it was their fault.  Again, you know who you are and your real friends and family are all there for you.

6) Sometimes I get too serious and think too much.  I think that's seriously bad.

7) I love the way my hubby can have me laughing my ass off over really stupid stuff.  Particularly when I'm being too serious.

8) I'm slightly confused that when spellchecking this blog, it threw up 'because' and offered Becca/Becky/Beau as alternatives.  When did 'because' become an incorrect spelling?  And why did it not highlight my real spelling mistakes?

9) I really fancy some chocolate....

Friday, 8 July 2011

Yesterday I went for a blood test.  I say 'blood test', but in the words of the late, great Tony Hancock, I had to provide 'very nearly an armful'.  Who knew that you needed to give 3 full tubes of the stuff?

Anyway, that aside, the reason for my blood test was emblazoned across the testing form…

Not sure I ever imagined that I would ever be in that category of people. Certainly not during my 20's when I spent the whole time praying that I wasn't pregnant - and I mean literally praying sometimes. 
It’s all a bit odd isn’t it?  I’ve spent the last 20 years doing everything I can to prevent reproduction and now it seems that I may need not have worried quite so much.

I’m going to be honest, I’ve never really been that bothered about children.  I’ve always worked on the theory that if I have one then great but if I don’t, that’s also great.  It would also mean that I would have more disposable income, a tidier house, better holidays and spend much more time asleep.  Frankly that sounds like quite a good deal to me.

That was until the possibility that the ability to choose might have been taken away from me.  Husb and I stopped trying to prevent babies a week or so before our wedding last year and 10 months on there’s still no sign.  Actually, that’s not strictly true.  I’m fairly sure I came back from my honeymoon pregnant, and I’m fairly sure that a few days later that was no longer the case.  For someone who is never late, nor ever suffers from cramps, I was a week late and bedridden in agony.  Husb had never seen me like that before and was clearly shaken at the sight of his wife throwing nurofen down her neck whilst doubled-up in pain in bed by 8.30pm.

I was quite pragmatic about it back then – in a way it’s good news, I mean, if I was pregnant then that means that I can get pregnant. The time just wasn’t right then unfortunately.  Last night, however, whilst having a very grown-up discussion about our respective ‘deposits’ that morning (yes, Husb had to do ‘his bit’ too and believe me it was far less glamorous than giving blood!) I got more emotional then I ever could have imagined.  Not helped by the news of the birth of a new baby to our friends who got married a week before we did last year.  It could so easily have been us sharing that news. 

I suppose the big problem is that this is not something that Husb and I really want (or feel it appropriate) to discuss with all our friends at this time.  Yes, two close girlfriends know we're going for tests as does my mum but right now we'd rather not make it pub-chat-fodder.   It does make it that little bit awkward though when we get asked AGAIN if we're thinking about having children.  Hey ho.

So, what's the answer?  Well it's not all doom and gloom is it? We've been told to 'just enjoy trying'.  Sounds good to me.  I prescribe a glass of wine and an early night!