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A first time mum at 39, trying not to let my son kill me off too soon. Busy juggling a new family, a new house and a tricky recording schedule I figured blogging would be less expensive than therapy and less embarrassing than shouting at rude and stupid people in the street/on trains/at the supermarket.

Monday, 26 September 2011

Common Sense

I am constantly astounded by our friends and acquaintances.   From the minute we got married, we were asked almost weekly if I was 'pregnant yet'.  At that point we hadn't expressed any desire to get down to business with that anyway so why should it be assumed that marriage = babies?

I actually spent around 4 months drinking fairly heavily just to prove that i wasn't pregnant!  I wouldn't mind, but I'm not generally a big drinker and often drive to events but i just couldn't take the questions anymore.

Some of our closer friends knew when we had started trying and knew that we weren't having much luck and were sympathetic to our plight but without making it a big deal or common knowledge.

However in the last few weeks we have sold our flat and are in the process of buying a new house.  When we made this decision I was not pregnant, we just wanted to move anyway into something bigger.  During that process we discovered that I was pregnant and we were pretty chuffed  with our timing - hoping that we can be all finished and moved well before i get too enormous.

But apparently we can't just be moving house.  We must be moving house for a reason.   People at work keep telling me the new place is big enough for babies, our friends are actually coming outright and asking if there is something I want to share with them? (erm, no.  If i did then I would volunteer the information without the need for you to ask).
Even one of our neighbours asked Hubby on Saturday if I was 'expecting'.  I think we may need to speak more quietly when the windows are open in the flat....

Went to a birthday party on Saturday night and told nobody that i wasn't drinking (Hubby kept putting 'vodka' lime and sodas in front of me  - minus the vodka) nor that I was driving, yet still 3 people hinted at 'my condition' and one of Hubby's friends took him to one side and came right out and asked him.  At that point (ie: several pints into the evening) he couldn't even deny it and just swore him to secrecy.

Some may think that it's lovely our friends are so interested and happy for us etc, but I can't help feeling that some people are being terribly insensitive and downright rude.  Most of these people already have children and know how uncertain the first 12 weeks are.

I'm 38 years old  - hardly in the first flush of youth - so any risks of the first trimester are more than doubled for an old bird like me.  It will be bad enough if we get to the 12 week scan to be told bad news without having to then share and explain it to half of South East London.

I successfully managed to guess  2 friends' pregnancies in the last year but I said nothing to them (or to anyone else except my Hubby) until they called me to give me the news  - strangely enough - after their 12 week scan....And funnily enough, they are the two people  who haven't asked any questions at all and have kept quiet, even though I know they are suspicious.

Is it too much to ask for a little tact and sensitivity over these things?

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