Why is everything so complicated?

My husband laughs at me.  A lot.  I think it's a safety mechanism to stop him from killing me.

He thinks I could make emptying a paper bag complicated.  But I swear, I don't do it deliberately.  

I think it's my years of having to investigate every eventuality of every situation with my job.  I have had to put myself in the mindset of a half-witted bloke (sorry for the sweeping generalisation) who has had his hand held by his agent, manager, studio manager, mummy, wifey (delete as applicable) every day and has done for the last 14 years.  So now, I can't just accept that the shopping is being delivered/the windows will be cleaned/the wardrobes will be assembled etc. I have to build in a contingency plan for all these situations.  But the thing is, I am seldom proved wrong.  Since we moved house, I cannot believe how complicated everything has to be.  Believe me when I say, I WANT SIMPLE!!!  I don't want to have to fight, negotiate or build in a back-up plan every time.   Tell me this isn't normal, tell me I've just been unlucky... please!?

1) Cooker was delivered - they couldn't install it due to there being no 'legal' power point in the vicinity.  The previous owners had installed their cooker illegally.  Great.  So we had to get in a 'man that can' to install a legal plug socket.

2) We had the burglar alarm company round when we took over the contract from the previous owners.  Great.  All simple surely. Nope. The bloke who set it for us, included our bedroom sensor (ie: upstairs) in the same group as the whole of the downstairs so now we can't set it when we go to bed as we set the bloody alarm off when we walk into the bedroom. We have to get them to come back and fix it. Fabulous.

3) The dishwasher was delivered yesterday.  Firstly, the pipe isn't long enough to plumb in  - again because of the previous owners and their ridiculous kitchen planning. Secondly, the door on the dishwasher is on wonky and so doesn't close properly without you jiggling it about.  Cue phone call asking for them to pick it up and deliver a new one.  It only took 3 attempts at which button to press on the automated service and 15 minutes on hold.  Lovely.

4) Back to the dishwasher.  Apparently we had to go back to the shop to choose another dishwasher as the one we picked doesn't lend itself well to having an extension pipe fitted to it. So we did.  Only it was out of stock.  Brilliant.   Today I got a text message saying it was in stock now and they would deliver between 7am and 8pm on Wednesday.  Erm, I think not.  Some of us have to work you know.  I change it to Saturday but am still astounded that they can only offer a 13 hour time slot.  Beginning to wonder if I even want a dishwasher now.....

It's only taken 19 months but we have finally left our lovely little (cramped) flat and moved into our new house.  I'm still at that stage when i get excited about walking up the drive ... And the stairs (we have stairs!) ... And into the garden.
What i'm not so thrilled about is the mess some people leave their homes in, not to mention what they do to them while they live in them.   Things i have noticed so far...

1) the tight buggers took every curtain pole with them when they moved . £300k for a house and you don't even get anywhere to hang your feckin' curtains.

2) there are no drawers in the kitchen. Not one. Where does one put the cutlery ? Or all the spare keys to which the locks they fit are a mystery? Surely every home needs a 'man-drawer'?
Actually, I found one drawer ... In the dining room. Bit of a pain to get stuff quickly if you have to go to another room.

3) the cooker was installed illegally....from a health & safety perspective. As they took the cooker with them, we discovered this when ours was delivered and the chaps wouldn't install it as the points were not on the right place. Day 7 of ping meals/soup/takeaway looms.

4) all the radiators are in odd places meaning they don't really do the job they were designed to!

5) why is there a howling wind coming from the understairs cupboard?  I have looked in said cupboard and cannot find any holes, gaps or wind machines. 

6) why would one design their bathroom with a sink so large is hangs over into the bath?

6a) why would one design their bathroom with a large window next to the shower so that one can wave to bus passengers whilst performing their ablutions?  Plus if means you have to wipe away the flood of shower water from the window sill after every use.

7) why are there dimmer switches on every light except the dining room?  Perhaps the one room that might benefit from some soft lighting occasionally.

8) the kitchen cupboards are so high up that even when using steps I can barely reach the top shelf.  I met the previous owners - they were not that tall.

9) They took the loft hook with them too (you know, that bit of curved metal that you use to pull down the hatch and ladder).  Why!?? 

I'm sure I could thing of other foibles in the place but it will make me sound like a Moaning Myrtle  and really I love being in the new house.  Now all i need is a reasonable lottery win so that I can 'make it my own'... in the words of Pete Waterman.

In at the deep end.

Sitting on the tube en route to the office for the first time since April 2012.  I am not as heavy as i was back then nor am i wearing a 'baby on board ' badge but i am possibly more tired and have aged 5 years.

I have been up for almost 3 hours and achieved very little, tho i am dressed and made up and Boychild is tucked away nicely at nursery. He will have a great time I'm sure. I, however , will be on edge all day.

Head is thumping....prob from dehydration. Cried for about 3 hours yesterday and did 'guilt'  playing with him for most of the afternoon. This, of course, resulted in me not eating til almost 9 after having to do all my chores after he went to bed rather than me doing them 'with him helping' throughout the day. (Husb was away on business unfortunately but it gave us some quality mummy and sprog time) .

Husb returned not long after 9 last night and insisted on me telling him everything he had missed....poor love is a softer sap than I when it comes to Boychild.

Anyway, so far i have needed assistance in buying my travelcard  and a nice man on the South Ken platform asked me if i needed any help and called me 'lovely lady'.  I guess my squinty tired eyes and shellshocked face must have made me seem like an out-of-towner rather than than a professional yummy mummy - the look  i hoped to achieve when choosing my first day back outfit!

Oh well, there is always tomorrow to try again.

Back to work resolutions!

It's time for a change.  I'm not saying that I've 'let myself go' since having Boychild but I have relaxed things somewhat.  Don't misunderstand me, I will not leave the house without washing my hair and doing my make-up but the wardrobe has slipped somewhat.  Therefore I have made a decision that back to work is my 'New Year' and things have got to change.

1) Weight Watchers.  Got to be done.  Still a good 12lbs heavier than pre-pregnancy and I wasn't exactly svelte before then.  At least 24lbs heavier than on my wedding day which was less than 3 years ago.   Going to be 40 in 3 months time.  I refuse to be this fat and 40!

2) Dress for work. After spending the last year in stretch jeans, comfy shoes and hoodies, I need to smarten up.  My job doesn't need suits (positively frowned upon!) but smart jeans, heels, jackets and funky shirts are in order. That and ensuring I am not wearing something sporting baby vomit, baby snot or dried milk. 

3) Good underwear .  Finally bought some new bras last week.  Ones that fit rather than the preggy one-size-bigger efforts I was slobbing about in, but the pants....well, I know comfort has suddenly become more important than style but I'm way too young for granny pants on a daily basis.  Once back to work, a lunchtime visit to M&S without a buggy will definitely be a priority.

4) Ditch the maternity nighties. Probably too much information, but considering I slept pretty much naked for years and in the cold I might have found an oversized t-shirt, since Baby Boy was born I have stuck with the shapeless, long maternity nighties.  Not sexy.  Not attractive.  Certainly not conducive with maintaining nocturnal activities with Husb.

5)  Listen to some PROPER music. Knowing all the words to the song on 'Baby Jake' is not cool and won't cut it in the office.  I cannot wait to have the time to listen to my beloved ipod again.  It's been turned on twice since I had Boychild.

Back to the grindstone...

In four weeks time I will be returning to world of work.  Deep joy and rapture....

I've shocked myself.  I thought I would be desperate to get back to work by now but actually I am getting a little upset about leaving Boychild in a nursery almost every day.   I have never had a problem with working mothers or childcare - in this day and age, needs must.  And personally I do think that everyone needs a little adult conversation on a regular basis and Lord knows have I been lacking in that over the last few months!

But now the guilt has started.  Not from anyone else - I don't think anyway - but from me.  When I tell people I'm going back to work, I use the word 'unfortunately' when saying I'm going back full-time, and 'for now'.  I finally understand what Husb has been saying for the last 8 months about how much he misses Boychild each day especially if he doesn't make it home in time to bath him before he goes to bed.   I know I will see him every night but that will literally be all.  I will pick him up from nursery at 6.30 and by the time we get home the little munchkin will be getting in the bath and going to bed.  

So what to do?  Somehow I don't think there will be any record labels springing up in SE London and within a 30 minute commute any time soon, nor do I think I will find any similar work that will even come close to my salary closer to home so I guess I will have to just suck it up and accept that my working will, at least for now, be an investment for his future.  If I work now then hopefully I can drop down to part-time or career change in the next year or two once we're a little more financially secure.  I'm sure he'll forgive me!  Besides, what's so bad about being in a room full of toys and other kids to play with all day long?  He'll probably have more fun there than he does now watching me hoover!

So I had these romantic ideas about motherhood and blogging.  Thought I would be able to write about all the cool/funny/cute/revolting stuff I had experienced that day whilst my scrummy bundle of joy slept off his busy day.
The reality is that, like most parents, the evenings are spent clearing up, washing bottles, finally getting dinner 2 hours later than pre-baby and then collapsing on the sofa hoping the phone doesn't ring and trying to pretend to watch TV for an hour before falling into bed praying your little darling sleeps through for once.

But do I regret having a baby?  Not a bit.  I won't lie, I am exhausted most of the time and my body has yet to recover (I live in hope...) but Boychild really is one of the best things I have ever done.  He is funny, clever, foolhardy, slightly mental and extremely hyperactive.  But most importantly, he is mine and he's beautiful. I mean, who could not love this little face?

I just have to be more realistic about blogging.  No time to be clever or witty, all I need to do is remember all the stuff that makes me smile during the day and then do a quick blog when I get the chance.  Who needs an essay anyway? 

Mummy musings...

So I now have a whole host of things to irritate me that I never thought possible....

- Parent and child parking spaces are a godsend.  I never realised how much room you needed to get a baby seat out of a car before I had to do it.  I LOVE these spaces. But in Sainsbury's the other day I watched 2 people come back to the car in the space next to me with no pushchair or child.    This irked me to say the least, but they seemed to think it was fine as they had a disabled badge in the window.  The fact they both walked perfectly well and were both carrying a number of shopping bags seemed to suggest they were not that physically impaired.  Adding insult to injury, there was a whole row of empty disabled spaces in the car park (around 8 spots) and wondered how well it would be received if I parked in one of the disabled bays and used my child as the reason?

- Just having a baby/child seat in the back of your car also does not make it acceptable to park in one of the parent and child bays.  As the 'disabled' car pulled out of the space, a chap pulled into it.  2 child seats in the back but no kids.  I kid you not  - no pun intended.  Grrrrrrrr!

- I keep reading about babies of Boychild's age being 18, 20 and even 25lbs and wondering what on earth they are being fed.  He was over 8lb when he was born but didn't put on weight to start with.  Now he is just over 15lbs.  He's not tiny but he's no means big either (Husb and I are both pretty restricted on the leg front!). How the hell can a five month old baby be 25lbs??   I know a one year old who weighs that and she looks comfortably cuddly so what the heck does a 25lb baby of 5 months look like?

- I have started to hate clothes shopping.  Actually that's not strictly true.  I started hating it when i was pregnant but I had hoped that by now, I would have started to like it again.  I'm still too big for the pre-preg clothes but a size bigger is just a fraction too big.  aarrrggghhh!  And you have to speed shop too, whether you have the offspring with you or not.  If you do then you can't try anything on.  If you don't then you have to do it at breakneck speed as you have only a limited time without them.  Either way, it sucks and is really depressing.  Your daytime wardrobe can't really contain black/dark tops as you will be thrown up on about 3 times a day (or covered in drool or baby rice or any other yuk they have picked up) and your jeans MUST be stretch... you are on your knees or bending about 200 times a day.  And it must all be non-iron.  Who has time to iron when you have a baby?

- Nappy sacks.  Effectively carrier bags to put poo in.  So who the hell would want to pay over 2quid for a load of those?  Just discovered Sainsbury's basics  nappy sacks.... 12p.  Bloody marvellous.   Anyone who is prepared to pay lots of money for bags to put poo in, clearly has far too much of it (money, that is, not poo...).